As I described in the previous post, we have Protector parts which work hard to keep our vulnerabilities hidden. The ones which get in before anyone sees our shame, hurt and pain are called Managers.  They do a great job showing the world that we are hardworking, cheerful, organised etc but they are not perfect and sometimes – particularly under stress – the parts of ourselves we’d rather keep under wraps can emerge.

When this happens the reactive protectors re called upon. In IFS we call them Fire-fighters. The moto of the fire-fighter is “by any means necessary”. They will jump into their role with instant vim and vigour – doing all possible to distract from, get away from and avoid vulnerable feelings. Common examples of fire-fighter parts are addictive behaviours, self-harming behaviours of anything which is numbing in some way. It can be something as small as just making light of difficulties in a compulsive urgent way.

I have a client who often laughs when he feels vulnerable. His firefighter is telling people that there is nothing to worry about. Noticing this when it happens in sessions and getting to know the laughing part – has helped him to improve tolerance of difficult feelings.

It can be very hard to convince hard working firefighter parts to relax when they have done such a great job for so long in protecting us from the difficult feelings related to unmet needs. These parts fear that we will be overwhelmed by these feelings. They need gentle understanding and acceptance from our calm, compassionate selves. Being around a calm, accepting presence like a therapist can be really helpful in this.

More on what IFS calls the Self next time.